|
Dowry -
it would be lakhs and even crores of rupees,
both in cash and kind, jewelry, silver and gold, clothes and household things,
even your cooking utensils, even the pipes used for blowing on the embers
of the fire, everything except items like needles and soap about which there
were superstitions' - took up a large part of every marriage contract and
many a match foundered on the inability or the unwillingness of a potential
bride's father to meet the expectations of his opposite number. Originally
a dowry had some practical value when 'parents saw to it that their daughter
was well provided for before she went into the sasural (home of her in-laws),
so that she was not embarrassed to ask for each and every little thing'.
But over the centuries its original purpose had been obscured to the point
where dowry became 'a status symbol, with the practical side neglected',
and because it touched so deeply on family honour the eradication of the
dowry system provided well-nigh impossible. A brave effort in the 1730s
by the great Jai Singh, founder of Jaipur State and City, to ban excessive
dowries from his kingdom was frustrated by the richest of his nobles who
proceeded to lavish a king's ransom on his daughter's dowry in a deliberate
gesture of defiance - and to this day it remains a burden of pride that
affects rich and poor alike.
The Rajputs' attitude towards women covered
a vast gamut of emotions, from regarding them merely as child-bearers
to great love - even to the point of fighting battles over women. But
there were many marriages of alliance in the past where somebody gave
you his daughter saying, 'Don't attack me next week', and Rajput princesses
were very often given away without much thought beyond prestige and the
right kind of home.
This was not an easy code to live by, and
although there was great love in many royal marriages there was also great
unhappiness in others. 'Sometimes you were lucky', declares one Maharani
and sometimes destiny had other plans in store for you.
Marriage was an extremely costly business, because custom dictated that
rulers should spend vast sums of money on their daughters' weddings. Before
privy purses were settled at a certain percentage of the state's income,
it was not unusual for a ruler to spend over half the state's entire annual
revenue on one wedding alone. Much of this went on the dowry as agreed
upon in the negotiations prior to betrothal, but a great deal was spent
on the celebrations and ceremonies surrounding the wedding itself, which
in earlier days could last for a fortnight or more. Big spending was a
matter of prestige, but it was also a recognition of the fact that for
Hindu women the wedding ceremony was regarded as the most important religious
event of their lives. In market contrast, marriage according to the rites
of Islam was short and simple and centred on the ten-minute nikaah or
contract ceremony at which bride and bridegroom signed a marriage contract
in the presence of a pir and three witnesses. These rituals are prevalent
even to this day, a lot of effort of money goes into weddings especially
of their daughter.
Among Hindus the proceedings began with the issuing of invitations, which
had to be delivered by hand in due ceremonial style:
An auspicious date is found on which invitations can be issued, first
by the fathers of the bride and bridegroom to their family deities and
to other local deities. Rice and coconut are laid in front of the deity
and the priest recites and says that this is an invitation to a marriage
that is to take place at such and such a time. Then invitations to other
people are delivered by a deputation consisting of a sardar of the state
accompanied by a clerk and an attendant. He would deliver this invitation
personally in the form of a kharita or manuscript.
 It
was customary for the wedding to take place in the bride's home state.
After an elaborate send-off the bridegroom and his party - known as the
barat and consisting of several hundred relatives, nobles and retainers
- would be met at the border or at the local railway station by a reception
committee and escorted in the first of many processions to their accommodation,
which usually took the form of a tented camp in the grounds of the palace.
The bridegroom's feet were washed - 'the girl's mother is supposed to
do it but in Gwalior, at least, she never did. It was always one of the
senior sardar's wives' - and if no formal engagement had previously taken
place, the proceedings opened with a troth-plighting:
The bridegroom's father goes alone with members of his family and selected
sardars to the bride's house. The bride is brought out, her father sits
by her side and offers her in marriage, sugar is then put in her mouth
to signify acceptance and she is given jewelry and clothes, which she
changes into. Then a reverse ceremony is gone through. The bride's father
come to the bridegroom's house or camp and applies a tilak mark to his
forehead. Then the family priest reads out the bridegroom's horoscope
and announces the most auspicious time and date for the marriage.
Other ceremonies and processions followed. Family deities had to be set
up in temporary residence in the camp and the mandap or marriage pavilion
had to be ceremonially erected. Then on the evening of the third day the
cleansing and anointing rituals known in the Deccan states as the haldi
(turmeric) ceremonies took place:
At least five married ladies would go along with a lot of unmarried girls
and they would make the bridegroom-to-be sit and apply turmeric paste
on his ankles, knees, shoulders, cheeks, and head which was then rubbed
on with mango leaves because that is supposed to be auspicious. A lot
of jokes and banter used to go on while this was being done and it was
great fun. Then five married women would come from the bridegroom's side
to rub haldi on the girl. She had to be bathed by these five married women
each using five lotas (water pots) of water.
The cleansing and anointing of the bride
had a very practical reason behind it 'because the groom's family wants
to have a good look at her whole body to find out if there are any defects,
no moles in the wrong place or concealed birthmarks. Outfits for the wedding
ceremony were also exchanged at this point, the groom's family presenting
the bride with a shela or brocade shawl with which to cover her head during
the marriage ceremony.
|
